What, Why, When, Where, Which, How....... they just can't stop but life does, they just keep popping up.
It's a 26 years old quest, a battle so far not concluded, an untiring effort with so many wrongs and few rights....yet the thirst is not quenched, the fire's controlled but the smoke's smothering... vision hampered, and mind tired when I turn back to see how far I have come, I learn, I am lost.... engrossed in facing the life head on, crushing all fears, tackling every unnecessary thing that came to me as a necessity against my will, I am lost!
Let me tell you what in life I have done..... good or bad, right or wrong.... I was always in dilemma to decide among them all... I always had every option for trial so I tried... didn't had a choice to seek a guidance.... it would have been otherwise else.... "they" were there but still they weren't there to guide, it may sound a contradiction but this isn't a contradiction, please stand with me and see ........ you will know its not a contradiction... ah... whatever.... this is how I've become, helpless and weak ...convincing others without a reason.... Ask me what not I've done... steal, lie, disrespect, theft... all of it! who was there to stop?? but it stopped.... ask me what not I've done..... giveaway, truth, respect, mercy.... all of it! who was there to show??
Try abusing your mother.... , try hitting your father.... , try killing yourself.... I did!!
Try being hungry for a fortnight....I was, try leaving home and staying on road... I have, try... please try..... unless you try, you will always see me the way you see me.... but I am not what you see! You think these words are enough for you to judge me?? or for that matter even for me to judge myself?? All these 26 years.... have molded me..... molded me in such a way that I am lost.... lost my vision... lost my spirit... lost everything ... just one conquest I have..... my willpower to triumph...... this is life ..... and life is still fabulous!!!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
An Outcast!
Every face has a story....its just that we think that our own story is different than others but is it really so? it's not, it's really not!
We'll never know the pain of an orphan, ask an orphan.
we'll never know the pain of being alone, ask the lonesome..
we'll never know the grief, dare face the grievance on your own!
There's a boy struggling to win his dreams, struggling to ease his troubled mind...he has so many people around but none of them are his own. He has his parents alive but yet he leads a life like an orphan. He has the determination to conquer the life but he's missing the guidance to put his strength in the appropriate direction.
You hit somebody with your fist and not with your fingers spread but for so you need to have fingers to form a fist first!
what do we do...he's a human anyway.
The boy tries to bond people together but he's so unfortunate to get himself misjudged always. He tries to give a shape to his thoughts with words but words are the weakest medium to express himself which shatter him even more what do we do... he's a human anyway!!
He now thinks to give up but he won't, he wants to be alone now but he can't, he desires to be loved now but there exists none for him, he knows that he's an outcast but what do we do??? he's a human anyway!!!!!
We'll never know the pain of an orphan, ask an orphan.
we'll never know the pain of being alone, ask the lonesome..
we'll never know the grief, dare face the grievance on your own!
There's a boy struggling to win his dreams, struggling to ease his troubled mind...he has so many people around but none of them are his own. He has his parents alive but yet he leads a life like an orphan. He has the determination to conquer the life but he's missing the guidance to put his strength in the appropriate direction.
You hit somebody with your fist and not with your fingers spread but for so you need to have fingers to form a fist first!
what do we do...he's a human anyway.
The boy tries to bond people together but he's so unfortunate to get himself misjudged always. He tries to give a shape to his thoughts with words but words are the weakest medium to express himself which shatter him even more what do we do... he's a human anyway!!
He now thinks to give up but he won't, he wants to be alone now but he can't, he desires to be loved now but there exists none for him, he knows that he's an outcast but what do we do??? he's a human anyway!!!!!
The Culpable Infernal
Something's wrong? Blame it on me!
Someone's hurt? Blame it on me!
Someone's betrayed? Blame it on me!
Someone's failed? Blame it on me!
Someone's angry? Blame it on me!
Someone's unfortunate? Blame it on me!
Families shattered? Blame it on me!
What did I do? It really doesn't matter.
What really matters is I'm there to be blamed!
I tried doing things right but they went wrong....it's my fault!
I tried comforting someone with words but the words went wrong....it's my fault!
I tried being honest but that honesty turned to be betrayal..it's my fault!
I succeeded rarely, mostly I failed..it's my fault!
I tried being the way I am...my appearance angered people..it's my fault!
I tried accompanying in unfortunate times...it's my fault!
I existed...it's my fault!
but when I see myself in the mirror...I can see myself exalt,
I chose to forgive, not for fame...
for deep inside I know whatever I did is right and there's nothing I did shame!
Someone's hurt? Blame it on me!
Someone's betrayed? Blame it on me!
Someone's failed? Blame it on me!
Someone's angry? Blame it on me!
Someone's unfortunate? Blame it on me!
Families shattered? Blame it on me!
What did I do? It really doesn't matter.
What really matters is I'm there to be blamed!
I tried doing things right but they went wrong....it's my fault!
I tried comforting someone with words but the words went wrong....it's my fault!
I tried being honest but that honesty turned to be betrayal..it's my fault!
I succeeded rarely, mostly I failed..it's my fault!
I tried being the way I am...my appearance angered people..it's my fault!
I tried accompanying in unfortunate times...it's my fault!
I existed...it's my fault!
but when I see myself in the mirror...I can see myself exalt,
I chose to forgive, not for fame...
for deep inside I know whatever I did is right and there's nothing I did shame!
Hatred "Love"
I loved a girl…
She was so dear,
She knew how to deal with a stone being a stone…
And she knew how to be a rose to a rose,
She called it “attitude” which I liked once…
Maybe I lacked it in me somewhere!!
Being a friend she gave me solace many a times…
In pain, in isolation, in confusion,
And whenever I wanted,
She was a strong support I looked at then…
I trusted her like a child trusts his mother,
Presence of her in my life- changed me a lot!
I ate on time, slept on time;
Even I behaved like a human like never before…
Days passed, I spent them watching her, thinking about her…
Somewhere deep in my mind I started loving her!
When I told her so, she thought…
She thought of it for months!!
She had choices to pick from,
She carefully picked me and said “yes”
So delighted was I then-
There began a new life of me,
I started chasing dreams I had once…
Left undone somewhere in the past
Started living life that I missed and lacked!
Her simple words became my strength…
But somewhere she always had choices to pick from…
She picked me, I don’t know why…
Maybe an easy prey then was I!
Days passed, I spent them watching her, thinking about her…
Somewhere deep in my mind I started loving her even more!!
Like a chump, she left me all of the sudden…
Like I was some downtrodden!
“You are not the right one”
said she
The only question I could ask myself-
“was she?”
She made mockery out of me-
Still I loved her….like a chump!!
She loved me just to say-
Had fun and left when done!
She had her own dreams to chase…
She aspired… status, money, comfy and cozy
None but just love I had back then!
Now when she’s gone…
She’ll see who’s got the status and money now-
And who’s comfy and cozy!!
Something’s never change…
When I now see my beloved bitch,
Picking her choices up in a ditch-
One after another…and another…and another!!
I realize …
It’s not me who was confused!
It’s not me who lacked!!
It’s not me who was wrong!
It’s not me who lied!!
I love her still…
But that love is what I hate NOW!!!
Love is deepest of all shades…
But this hatred “Love” never fades!!!
She was so dear,
She knew how to deal with a stone being a stone…
And she knew how to be a rose to a rose,
She called it “attitude” which I liked once…
Maybe I lacked it in me somewhere!!
Being a friend she gave me solace many a times…
In pain, in isolation, in confusion,
And whenever I wanted,
She was a strong support I looked at then…
I trusted her like a child trusts his mother,
Presence of her in my life- changed me a lot!
I ate on time, slept on time;
Even I behaved like a human like never before…
Days passed, I spent them watching her, thinking about her…
Somewhere deep in my mind I started loving her!
When I told her so, she thought…
She thought of it for months!!
She had choices to pick from,
She carefully picked me and said “yes”
So delighted was I then-
There began a new life of me,
I started chasing dreams I had once…
Left undone somewhere in the past
Started living life that I missed and lacked!
Her simple words became my strength…
But somewhere she always had choices to pick from…
She picked me, I don’t know why…
Maybe an easy prey then was I!
Days passed, I spent them watching her, thinking about her…
Somewhere deep in my mind I started loving her even more!!
Like a chump, she left me all of the sudden…
Like I was some downtrodden!
“You are not the right one”
said she
The only question I could ask myself-
“was she?”
She made mockery out of me-
Still I loved her….like a chump!!
She loved me just to say-
Had fun and left when done!
She had her own dreams to chase…
She aspired… status, money, comfy and cozy
None but just love I had back then!
Now when she’s gone…
She’ll see who’s got the status and money now-
And who’s comfy and cozy!!
Something’s never change…
When I now see my beloved bitch,
Picking her choices up in a ditch-
One after another…and another…and another!!
I realize …
It’s not me who was confused!
It’s not me who lacked!!
It’s not me who was wrong!
It’s not me who lied!!
I love her still…
But that love is what I hate NOW!!!
Love is deepest of all shades…
But this hatred “Love” never fades!!!
Deception
You think I'm a lazy bone- yes I'm
You think I think negative- yes I do
You know I'm words without action- yes I am
You see a loser in me- yes you are right
whatever u say is right coz I want it to be right... it's not your question whether it's true or not but that's mine.. I can manipulate your understanding like a wine. Don't worry u pathetic judges, u only see a portion bright. darkness is what my height. What u see is a deception you'll ever know might!
You think I think negative- yes I do
You know I'm words without action- yes I am
You see a loser in me- yes you are right
whatever u say is right coz I want it to be right... it's not your question whether it's true or not but that's mine.. I can manipulate your understanding like a wine. Don't worry u pathetic judges, u only see a portion bright. darkness is what my height. What u see is a deception you'll ever know might!
In The Tutelage of The Nature....
They were four, yet one....
'coz they were a family.
Mommy, daddy, and two kids....
Now they are split like the weeds.
There was one happy home....
Torn apart from base to dome.
What went wrong nobody knows....
They themselves became their own foes.
Time has gone way too fast....
The life each of them live today, is still so vast.
Back then when they begun....
It was so much of happiness and fun.
Today they are four directions....
With their own set of primitive actions.
Distinct and impulsive....
Rigid and passive.
The kid who now knows all this....
Now wonders, how to have his family to miss?
He longs that affectionate embrace....
He indeed has learned it by nature's grace.
He kept his mind intact....
While nature showed him the fact.
Life never was that easy....
He now knows how keep himself busy.
Looking back at the old times....
He's started molding rhymes.
The laws which he learned.....
Are helping him to build again, what's burned.
For him, it is once burnt twice shy....
Still he dares to spread his wings to fly.
Mommy n daddy failed him to nurture....
So what? he now tolerates all the torture.
In the tutelage of the nature....
He has dreamt of his bright future.
No one is there, so what??
There are so many battles he alone has fought!!
'coz they were a family.
Mommy, daddy, and two kids....
Now they are split like the weeds.
There was one happy home....
Torn apart from base to dome.
What went wrong nobody knows....
They themselves became their own foes.
Time has gone way too fast....
The life each of them live today, is still so vast.
Back then when they begun....
It was so much of happiness and fun.
Today they are four directions....
With their own set of primitive actions.
Distinct and impulsive....
Rigid and passive.
The kid who now knows all this....
Now wonders, how to have his family to miss?
He longs that affectionate embrace....
He indeed has learned it by nature's grace.
He kept his mind intact....
While nature showed him the fact.
Life never was that easy....
He now knows how keep himself busy.
Looking back at the old times....
He's started molding rhymes.
The laws which he learned.....
Are helping him to build again, what's burned.
For him, it is once burnt twice shy....
Still he dares to spread his wings to fly.
Mommy n daddy failed him to nurture....
So what? he now tolerates all the torture.
In the tutelage of the nature....
He has dreamt of his bright future.
No one is there, so what??
There are so many battles he alone has fought!!
A Look and A Conclusion..
Take a look around...
There are pretty faces, neatly dressed, clean with manners...
Must call them well educated and civilized!
They've got a skill to carry themselves in the crowd....
They call it "Attitude", the right Attitude....
As they walk in public places, showing off.....
They are certain that they stand out off the crowd!
They have got Money, they have got Power,
They have got beauty, they have got everything they want,
They are "Well educated, civilized, beautiful society."
Take a look around....
There are ugly faces, who lack clothes to hide their body,
Who haven't learned any manners... Always referred as uneducated and uncivilized!
They've got no skill to carry themselves as they are the crowd....
They call it "Fate", the chosen fate....
As they walk in public places, ignored....
They are certain that they are the crowd and make no difference!
They have got no money, they have got no power,
They have got no beauty, they have got nothing they want,
They are "uneducated, ill mannered, ugly outcasts."
Have a look at yourself....
We die to jump on the conclusion when it's for others;
What about ourselves??
We judge the world very well... ignoring the fact that we all are here to live together as one but not to judge others.
Nobody's perfect, so is nothing...
Nobody can judge anybody as we have got no rights whatsoever to do it!
Stop concluding and start respecting.
Life's fun and easy, don't make it a mess...
Just have a look at yourself!
There are pretty faces, neatly dressed, clean with manners...
Must call them well educated and civilized!
They've got a skill to carry themselves in the crowd....
They call it "Attitude", the right Attitude....
As they walk in public places, showing off.....
They are certain that they stand out off the crowd!
They have got Money, they have got Power,
They have got beauty, they have got everything they want,
They are "Well educated, civilized, beautiful society."
Take a look around....
There are ugly faces, who lack clothes to hide their body,
Who haven't learned any manners... Always referred as uneducated and uncivilized!
They've got no skill to carry themselves as they are the crowd....
They call it "Fate", the chosen fate....
As they walk in public places, ignored....
They are certain that they are the crowd and make no difference!
They have got no money, they have got no power,
They have got no beauty, they have got nothing they want,
They are "uneducated, ill mannered, ugly outcasts."
Have a look at yourself....
We die to jump on the conclusion when it's for others;
What about ourselves??
We judge the world very well... ignoring the fact that we all are here to live together as one but not to judge others.
Nobody's perfect, so is nothing...
Nobody can judge anybody as we have got no rights whatsoever to do it!
Stop concluding and start respecting.
Life's fun and easy, don't make it a mess...
Just have a look at yourself!
A Desire Called "LOVE"
You are born ... of a desire,
A desire two people once had....
This desire has been in existence since ages!
Before the two of them even existed,
As even they are born out of....
A desire two people once had.... prior to them!
A vicious circle it is forever,
A cycle of events beyond the control....
.... of losers, who follow the meek as blind!
The loser’s word for it, is “LOVE”
However the “LOVE” is nothing but “EXPECTATION”
Poor fanatics say that lovers have no expectations!
Hell O’ hell ... Love?
Ask a mother what she wants her kid to be?
Her answer is an expectation (a.k.a. love)
Ask a father why he wants his kid to be successful?
His answer is an expectation (a.k.a. love)
Ask why parents care of their kids??
Indeed ‘coz they love their kids....
They love their kids so much-
That it really doesn’t matter what kid thinks!
They love their kids so much-
That they know their kids know nothing of life....
But only they do!
They tend to forget again....
That they are born ... of a desire,
A desire two people once had....
This desire has been in existence since ages!
Before the two of them even existed,
As even they are born out of....
A desire two people once had.... prior to them!
A desire two people once had....
This desire has been in existence since ages!
Before the two of them even existed,
As even they are born out of....
A desire two people once had.... prior to them!
A vicious circle it is forever,
A cycle of events beyond the control....
.... of losers, who follow the meek as blind!
The loser’s word for it, is “LOVE”
However the “LOVE” is nothing but “EXPECTATION”
Poor fanatics say that lovers have no expectations!
Hell O’ hell ... Love?
Ask a mother what she wants her kid to be?
Her answer is an expectation (a.k.a. love)
Ask a father why he wants his kid to be successful?
His answer is an expectation (a.k.a. love)
Ask why parents care of their kids??
Indeed ‘coz they love their kids....
They love their kids so much-
That it really doesn’t matter what kid thinks!
They love their kids so much-
That they know their kids know nothing of life....
But only they do!
They tend to forget again....
That they are born ... of a desire,
A desire two people once had....
This desire has been in existence since ages!
Before the two of them even existed,
As even they are born out of....
A desire two people once had.... prior to them!
The Gem"STONE"
There's a "STONE".. trampled, kicked and obviously ignored over and over again. He's lying on ground for all these years.. grounded and surrounded with the raw soil, never befriended with the "WISE" world as he has no value in their view... the only aid he's got, is the mother nature.
She gave him a quality... a quality that very few in the world has..... she made him a GEM.. why would then he should worry about the "WISE" world?
Poor "WISE" world has everything, but still nothing... they'll soon realize the value when this gem"STONE" will be picked by a jeweler... till then they will consider him as an ugly, valueless, dirty, useless "STONE" as they lack the eye of the jeweler.
But the "STONE" stands still as he has nothing on his mind.. no worries, no grief, no complaints, not regrets, no bonding for such "wise" world, neither for their opinion nor for their ignorance towards him... as he knows what he has.
He is now just waiting for the Jeweler to arrive...!!
She gave him a quality... a quality that very few in the world has..... she made him a GEM.. why would then he should worry about the "WISE" world?
Poor "WISE" world has everything, but still nothing... they'll soon realize the value when this gem"STONE" will be picked by a jeweler... till then they will consider him as an ugly, valueless, dirty, useless "STONE" as they lack the eye of the jeweler.
But the "STONE" stands still as he has nothing on his mind.. no worries, no grief, no complaints, not regrets, no bonding for such "wise" world, neither for their opinion nor for their ignorance towards him... as he knows what he has.
He is now just waiting for the Jeweler to arrive...!!
BEYOND.......
A life, beyond lives....
It's rarely that simple to learn about than written over here!!
An imagination, beyond imaginations....
It's rarely that simple to think about than written over here!!
A pain, beyond pain....
It's rarely that simple to face than written over here!!
Before even I existed the world "WAS", now since I'm here it "IS" and after me it "WILL" still be full of life....
There were, there are uncountable great folks who imagined best of the best, and there will be more....
Every face has a story... a pain ... there were many who faced, there are many who are facing, and there will be many who will face the worst... than "ME"
What really matters is "my sight" to explore it BEYOND!
It's rarely that simple to learn about than written over here!!
An imagination, beyond imaginations....
It's rarely that simple to think about than written over here!!
A pain, beyond pain....
It's rarely that simple to face than written over here!!
Before even I existed the world "WAS", now since I'm here it "IS" and after me it "WILL" still be full of life....
There were, there are uncountable great folks who imagined best of the best, and there will be more....
Every face has a story... a pain ... there were many who faced, there are many who are facing, and there will be many who will face the worst... than "ME"
What really matters is "my sight" to explore it BEYOND!
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